Shrink’s Lounge (Dark Thoughts)

So many feels.

Little to write.

So Many things.

Up around my mind.

 

All unforeseen.

My soul’s in a spin.

Call it fishtail.

I’m not really keen.

 

One part suicidal.

Yet that same part’s killing me.

Everything’s in a spiral.

Does it always have to be me?

 

When will it all stop?

Or is it my eternity?

The future’s bleak, blurry.

More like opaque.

But I’m i n a hurry, for my next uptake.

 

My soul in the skies.

Full emancipation.

Then get my recognition.

From all souls still living.

 

Will I still get to heaven if I die high?

Or wait in heaven’s gates watching the ‘righteous’ pass by?

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Shifts

Seems my life goes in shifts

Going in and out of work, some call this bliss

But in all my spectrums I seem to see

Correlations between them and trying to be free
In pursuit of happiness

Bringing in so much stress

Granny said it’s all a breeze

But I’m still green so it’s not at ease
Over generations patience seems to quiver

Fear’s worst for my kin who may infinitely shiver

Get the flow consistent like the no. 8

Infinity’s what we want but never desire

As we go home make dinner then retire
Seems the Almighty’s winging it

No interceding just hoping and believing it,

Believing us, that we’ll do right

Hovering his hand over the red button labelled restart
I haven’t lost my composure

Or let my spirits smoulder

I take all strides to find what’s better

Connecting endless thoughts to find if I can come over
Overcome the despair

Try deep breath of fresh air 

Or you can add some flair

With smoke, I don’t care
For we are still young

Lives have just begun

The tempest about to ensue

I pray and hope that you’ll get through.

Saved to Remember.

I put another skeleton in the closet.

It’s leaking now like a faulty faucet.

Took a ride to the devil’s house

He put a deal on the table but I walked out.

God came to pick me up later and showed me life.

 

But my patience ran out before he showed me more

I’m on the fence now trying to figure things out.

I don’t have worries anymore

But I still shield my heart not to get hurt forevermore.

 

So the world called me selfish with a dash of insecure

If you saw what I’ve done you wouldn’t be so sure.

When I elevated myself that’s when friends knocked on the door.

Who’s genuine? Well…with time I’ll know.

 

Day by day my struggle is real.

In my head, heart and pockets, the reality’s so surreal.

Yet on one hand I want to be felt, but on the other not to feel.

Because that chapter existed once, it’s probably best not to reopen the seal.

 

But one day I’ll be happy, I’m hopeful.

For that sensation that will never scuff and never return to the awful.

Whence that day will come to my presence.

I will seize it wholeheartedly, with effervescence.6003483105_2106a0120e_b.

 

 

Solitude

Just when I get a deal for two
Just when I never went all the way through.
Minds been harassed by your apparition
So I sink deep in my mind to achieve max seclusion.

So who fucked up?
So long ago I can’t remember
Do you want me back?
I know you’ll say no return never.

But why’s my memory so vivid
About our past so livid
All the rainbows to love grows
Then it gets dark and so fucking cold

Then I remember your bro
Still see him as 10 years old
Man he must be grown
He must’ve forgotten me though

So I just type and type
Get high and live this life.
Don’t want to hurt another
Oh yeah, now I remember

It was back in September
We were on the stairs together
I could go on and on
But I made a promise and didn’t keep it.

So after all this time,
I still think you’re a dime
But add me to the equation
Won’t work for your determination

I’ll be fine I guess
This J will put me in duress
THC’s infusion
That leads me into seclusion.

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Sinner’s Prayer

Days when I think that I’ve forsaken God,

Sometimes it feels like he’s forsaken me

Running to the side of my bed just to kneel

Getting tired of expressing just how I feel.


Can I just get a free pass?

To enjoy life’s vices et all and still blessed?

To have what I want with no conditions?

Yet you love me unconditionally except that very exception?


That I have to love you back

Because you know I really do.

Call it a bromance through history that I’m sifting through.

A man’s patience is limited, yours is just you doing you.


I represent all the sinners,

Those who loved you and still love you

For the times they forget to talk to you

But still use your name all the time

Even when they aren’t in their right mind.


Though we accept the fact that it’s always ‘your time’

Interceed much faster to make time in this world worthwhile,

Then maybe, just maybe…. every sinner will come

And praise your name much more than now saying.. “Let Thy will be done.”

Always. (for her)

Before Facebook timelines,

Before tweeting like birds in the sunshine,

I knew out there was a perfect dime,

To take my whole heart and all of my time.


So the Heavens pointed you out in the worlds mess

To have and to hold mmmh…. caress.

Best gift from mother nature

I can’t forget your mother coz she’s part of the picture.


And your birthday’s September,

Same day as my parent’s wedding promise I’ll remember.

When I stare into your eyes,

I feel it deep down that you’re my prize.


And when I help you out with things

That ‘My hero’ smile of yours always gives me the chills.

So I always do my best ,

To make you love me more not less.


I write this to proclaim,

Loving you for better or worse is my final aim.

And it may come with pain,

But the Sunshine in your heart will never wane.

“Mind Wars”


Sometimes I think The devil’s taking over me ,

But it’s not…just my mind feeding off my energy.

Putting up stop signs, detours, deviations from my destiny,

The daily battle ensues wonder who’ll get the victory.


So I take a break,

Light up that cancer stick,

“What’s that smell?!” I hear,

From Mummy dear…


“Must be the watchman..” I reply

A few more drags to get the high

Head rush sinking in

Yes … this is where I wanna be.


But it’s only for a moment,

That moment feels like days,

Start to look back and reminisce

What felt like pure bliss


And I remember that kiss

The phone calls that I miss

Long drives outta town

Watch her pull out a pound


Her roll up skills so astounding

Waiting for our heads to start pounding

Sit back, relax, hotbox,

Red eyes like larry king socks.


All that now feels like yesterday

Yet we’re about turn a year..dang…aint shit cray?

So I pick up the phone,

I wanna call say “I’m sorry” for being so far gone.


Seems that won’t happen soon

Unless I jump over the moon

My heart’s still there

Beating for you, no one else.


But I think that the devil’s taking over me ,

But it’s not…just my mind feeding off my energy.

Putting up stop signs, detours, deviations from my destiny,

The daily battle ensues wonder who’ll get the victory.

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Earthly Eternity

Searching for a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow,
Only to find dry pasture and no four cloves
Thought I saw light at the end of the tunnel’s eye
Yes there was light emmiting from a firefly

Contusions of the heart
Scabs pulled apart
The adrenalin of pain
Seems just the same

So I sink in the tempest’s noise
For my flaws have no poise
Anchored to oceans floor
My heart stays forevermore.

ADdpMi4h

Moonlit silhouettes

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This night… Damn!
Seen that Moonlight?!
Made me wanna have you right close to me…
Just to cuddle you.
Just to feel your warmth
Just to add to my ‘heartfelt’ security.

Unfortunate, now I can only think about you.
My nerves, my heart, my blood rushes all over…
Longing for that day when I can embrace you again.
Sticks and stones yes.
But being away from you breaks even more than bones.

Hopeful for that day to approach soon.
Lion to prey…I salivate for it
Priest, I pray.
Lit fuse…I wait…

Sigh..I hope for that day when the deep, mysterious, windows of your soul will look into my uncertain yet hopeful eyes under that moonlit silhouette and whisper:

“Forever”